10 posts tagged “sarah palin”

They named singers as people who were elected officials in Canada and France, and some how 2 CANADIAN RADIO DJs were able to con Sarah Palin's people into thinking they were setting up a call between Palin & THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE.

oh my god.  it just keeps getting better.  p.s. who wants to bet that Betsy girl or whoever is on the phone first TOTALLY got fired after this call was over?

...that she probably thinks that the symbol of a donkey on a scarf that is red, white, and blue and says "VOTE!" on it is totally just some kitschy coincidence.

picture courtesy of my friend Soley, via animalnewyork.com.

You know...they spent $150,000 on a makeover for this bitch (from POLITICAL DONATIONS to the campaign...nice, Republican'ts), you'd think they'd at LEAST get one with an ELEPHANT on it or something.  Yeah?  I mean, really.  This is hilarious.  Thank you, Sarah Palin, for existing.

...Just so terribly underwhelmed by how unfunny Sarah Palin was on SNL just now?  It's like her handlers made a point to not let her make fun of herself and take herself as seriously as possible.

I can't believe that she was able to suck the funny out of Tina Fey's impression of her.

Mark Walhberg was a LOT funnier and he was on the screen for literally 3 seconds.  Just sayin'.

So, I'm sure you're all SICK and TIRED of hearing me rant against Sarah Barracuda.  So today, I promise--unless she turns up in a pink unicorn costume, spouting Bible verses, because that my friends, is news!--then I will not mention her at all today.  So, rejoice!  And I'm sorry that I've been sipping the PalinHaterade so much this week.  I just can't help it, it's too easy.

First and foremost, I think I will have a better grasp on this debate; I've learned a lot from the last one, and I know that I can't get distracted by that pesky--yet highly interesting--grid on the bottom of the screen.

I am joined tonight by my esteemed debate co-host, TKO.  This is after being stood-up by my BFF/wife/dependent life-partner, to go booze with her coworkers. 

Her name is Mariel.  She loves being funny, being pretty, having a great personality, and having her face on the internet.  She also loves friends FROM the internet, so check her out here.  Really, she would feel totes pop.  Oh, she also (at age 22), is looking for a boyfriend between the ages of 16 - 18.  Go Cougarette, Go!

And yes, I have a G&T with me.  Ready to go.

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8:54PM: This group of people that they're using for the group of undecided voters has GREAT fashion sense.  They're totes going to be fair and balanced.

9:00PM:
Me: Any final thoughts?
TKO: i think she's going to have assistance via ear-piece...because there's no way.

9:03PM: Economics...here we go.  Apparently Palin's an economic maven.  I hope they didn't confuse economics with home economics (the feminists offish hate me for that one).

9:06PM: Sarah's looking sassy with her half-up do.  "Joe-Six-Pack" talk already.  Soccer moms!  She looks like she's reading from a teleprompter.  She looks TERRIFIED, and like she's reading from a script.  Oh good.
TKO has some words to add...

like BARACK-OBAMA-METER"

9:09PM: OH HAY Gwen-moderator-lady!  Way to call them out on avoiding the questions!  I like her.

9:10PM: Joe Six-Pack, Hockey Moms.

9:15PM: Sarah Palin has a favorite number, it's 94.  Just a guess.  If I were playing by the drinking game rules all the way, the amount of times she just said taxes in this sentence, I would be in the hospital and you would have no live blog.  P.S. Biden is CALLING YO' SHIT OUT, PALIN.  P.P.S.  THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU DID IN ALASKA...WE KNOW.  Alright?  Now go put on your LIPSTICK.


9:17PM:
Me: women like biden more than palin so far?  WHAT THIS RUINS EVERYTHING!
TKO: but biden is really looking SO impressive, you know?

9:18PM: Can someone slip Palin a note and let her know that this debate is about the issues, and not about her small-town in Alaska and her growing up in the middle class?

9:21PM: "That's the ultimate bridge to nowhere" - ZING!  Way to one-liner it, Joey.

9:23PM: And like any good former beauty queen/journalist wannabe, Palin is really utilizing the various camera angles to dramatically emphasize her point.  YOU GO GURL.

9:30PM: Hi, My name is Sarah Palin, and all I know about is energy, so I will continue to go back to talking only about energy and energy production and oil in Alaska (even though it would KILL AN ECOSYSTEM, NBD, Y'ALL!)

PLEASE...like you didn't think this was going to happen?

CHECK BACK AT 9!

p.s. follow my drinking game rules by going here (Wonkette)--thanks to my dear friend Jen, who clued me in on the awesomicity.

So...if anyone was just watching Anderson Cooper AC:360 (shout out to my BFF AndyCoop!  What up, B?!), they saw the much-discussed, as-yet-unaired clip of Sarah Palin being asked a fairly simple question.  And something I had the capacity to answer...in the 7th grade.

Here is the transcript:

Couric asked Palin: What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?

"Well, let's see,'' Palin said. "There's --of course --in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, that's never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going through the history of America, there would be others but...''

"Can you think of any?'' Couric asked.

"Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level -- maybe I would take issue with,'' Palin said. "But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a vice president, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today.''

Well, gee, Sarah.  Let's think of all the options here.  HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW ANY SUPREME COURT RULINGS?!  You're a Republican Evangelist--how about the ruling to take prayer out of schools?  Or all those pesky little rulings that have favored homosexuality or gay-rights?  Fuck, what about FLAG-BURNING?!  SOMETHING, ANYTHING SARAH.......PLEASE, I'm BEGGING YOU.  You're making all us vaginas look really, reaaaaaaaaaally bad.

Check it out at the 2-minute mark for the laughs, Biden starts the thing out with his intelligence in the first half.

On a lighter note, Joy Behar RULEZ, Babs grew a pair, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck has the charm of an incontinent, CAIDsies*-ridden rodent. 

Dear Sarah Palin,
Please refrain from using the following phrases in your statements:
-"As I Said/Say"
-"Crisis Mode"
-"Maverick"
-'Track Record"

Also, working on those "blank stare" pauses, would in the end help your credibility.  Also, knowing what you're talking about, and not dodging the questions asked would REALLY help your case.  Also, I bet $5 you can't REALLY see Russia from your house.  Just Sayin'.

Thanks,
America

p.s. TERRORISM, 9/11, WAR, FEAR MONGERING, SCARE TACTICS, RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!

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Below are the videos of Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric on CBS.  Take a gander, as they say.

Beyond basic procrastination, the internet has many useless, hilarious-yet-apt things going on inside.  Call it the "not-so-seedy" underbelly.

I bring you the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.  Yes, that's right.  Because bitch has the weirdest kids names this side of George Forman I-XXII (I lost count).  So, clearly, an internet name generator was necessary.

Sarah_palin_02

My name would be Axe Diesel Palin.

Some friends of mine would also be the following:

-Bowl Antler Palin

-Barrel McRaven Palin

-Halter Grasshopper Palin

& my personal favorite...Sack Panther Palin.

Thank you, Internet.